Changed about 50 of my passwords yesterday because one account got hacked about a year ago and still seeing repurcussions! Thankfully this was already on a unique password...yay?
I spoke with A at work, seems we both get the same feeling towards a new fellow. It is interesting as we both agree on our initial observation although generally we don't agree on someone's integrity/honesty. Let's see how this pans out. Hopefully it'll be a wonderful learning experience for me where I come out the other side looking all shiny and amazing. Ha.
I found my old Postsecret book. I literally can't believe it's still going and I wonder if it's the same guy 'Frank' that's still running the blog. Seems like it's a new generation with the same problems. Wonder if it'll ever end.... Also, wow, just found out he has a Ted talk!
I've never really felt like I had any secrets, maybe it's because if someone asked my something, I'd be truthful.
Maybe my secret now is that I used to have sex for money although I don't even feel like that's particularly a secret in any given context.
Monday, September 23, 2019
Thursday, August 15, 2019
Summer Break
My therapist seemed to think I would struggle without seeing her for a month over summer although on reflection, perhaps she was just making sure I would be fine for a month and not like have a break down or something.
For the first two weeks I had nothing to think about. I struggle finding things to talk about. What is relevant? What is on my mind? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
Maybe I need to subject myself to more people.
Anyway. After a week away with my parents and sister, I have found many complications in my mind. Most notable that obviously so much of my personality had come from my parents and that had caused misery. Now I have climbed past these issues, seeing them in front of me is an uncomfortable reminder of who I was before and it's pretty horrible to be near it. It's like I hate who I once was, maybe I need more compassion for myself.
Aside from this I am struck with tension and anxiety once more from one of my days off changing at work and suddenly I'm questioning my whole existance which is obviously the most rational thing I can do.
For the first two weeks I had nothing to think about. I struggle finding things to talk about. What is relevant? What is on my mind? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
Maybe I need to subject myself to more people.
Anyway. After a week away with my parents and sister, I have found many complications in my mind. Most notable that obviously so much of my personality had come from my parents and that had caused misery. Now I have climbed past these issues, seeing them in front of me is an uncomfortable reminder of who I was before and it's pretty horrible to be near it. It's like I hate who I once was, maybe I need more compassion for myself.
Aside from this I am struck with tension and anxiety once more from one of my days off changing at work and suddenly I'm questioning my whole existance which is obviously the most rational thing I can do.
Tuesday, April 23, 2019
Tuesday after Easter
God, I hate getting up early. Even with enough sleep getting up at 8am makes me feel like I’m going on holiday, like when you have to leave at 4am. Except no holiday.
My IBS yesterday was really bad, probably the worst day I’ve had in a long time. But who the fuck knows if it is IBS because I had my scan almost a year ago and no results yet!
To be fair, about 6 weeks until then; time has flown by!
I am happy that I’ve managed to get hold of a time out this morning though; possibly the only perk of having to pretend I’m a morning person?
Anxiety was bad yesterday also but I watched Line of Duty which snapped me right out of that by the time I got to the end of it. It’s amazing what a good drama can cure. But hey, I think I’ve gotten over that now!
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