Why does my BPD invade me, it makes me paranoid and feel like I shouldn't be trusting. Why does it do this. 

It makes me withdraw and want to lash out at the same time, I don't like feeling this way. Maybe it's why I like remaining calm. Stress in appropriate situations only. Good stress. Manageable stress that makes sense.

But this does make sense? I feel like I'm being used for money and like that person has been grateful until I've had to say no. I can be annoyed and yet able to reflect that it's not true after. Why not just let the emotion 'be'? Because feeling emotion = destruction, a feeling of needing to take action and 'do something'. What action is there to take in a circumstance like this though? There isn't one. Perhaps writing will help. 

I closed off my communication earlier, did that help? I'm not sure. I'm still angry.